Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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