Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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