"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
