Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
