Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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