i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
