Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
