I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
