I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
