I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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