Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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