He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
