you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i think my cat just said my name.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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