I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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