I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
