Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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