OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
