Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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