Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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