Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
