im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
