Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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