Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
vagina is talking i cant
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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