So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
