take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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