just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
