oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
