Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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