College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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