So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
