I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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