she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
