just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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