i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
