i would punch a child for taco bell
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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