I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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