i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
