my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
