whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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