Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize