You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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