It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
