he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
