every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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