I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
