He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
