bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
4 words: hood of his car
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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