is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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