there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
