you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
