i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
