Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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