You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
