Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize