I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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