marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
