So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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