i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize