Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
