So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
