Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
