Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize