That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
