clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
