im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
i think my cat just said my name.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
