she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
