Buhtt sex?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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