I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
