so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
