you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
