I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
