He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
