So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
