I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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