Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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